So to explain my wild and crazy trip to Barcelona, I'd rather give it to you through quotations. That is..my top 10 quotes from Barcelona, a beautiful city. Kinda of like Madrid, but in need of a desperate shower.
1) "Bibbidy Bobbidy Bibbidy Boo" - Danny
Yeah, so for some reason we all found it ridiculously hilarious to quote family guy the entire trip and the time when Peter thinks simply because he has a mustache, he can speak Italian. So here we are, some American tourists who speak Spanish in an area that not only speaks Catalán, but almost scorns Spain. Catalunya (Barcelona´s larger state or region) is a place that considers themselves Catalunyan, not Spanish. In fact, I was told that many women will wear the Palestinian head dresses not as a fashion statement, but as a political statement, because they feel that like Palestinians, they too are without a proper homeland. By the way, Danny also does an incredible Portuguese accent, which unfortunately for us, made us look bad when we met two Brazilian guys who spoke English well, understanding our jabs. Damn Americans.
2) ¨You know the doors don´t open by themselves?¨ - Danny.
Once again speaking to the wonders of Europe, Spain´s metro rails are distinct as well. Unlike the NYC Subway or the DC Metro, here you have to push a button to open the door to get off and on, it doesn´t do it automatically. And you can always pinpoint the lovely tourists who stand there waiting for a door to open even though there´s a button in front of them. Yeah. Spanish people tend to have a small personal space too, so they usually wait with you on the train as if they´re gonna kiss you. Now if you´re into that kinda thing, it´s cool by me. Speaking of close for comfort, waking up in the hostel and walking into the shower where 2 Italian guys are sharing the same shower stall was a little creepy. I´m not a homophobe, but they were really pushing the limits in there. Regardless, singing Frank Sinatra drove them off. The Hostel was actually pretty good, save the 11 people for 8 beds or something like that. We managed. It was cleaner than expected, and frankly, I felt safe and sound. The first night we brought some cheap 40s upstairs and hung out in the room, and then went out. The second night we managed to make our way down La Rambla to pick up Tony, Bryce, and Mike, and then walked with them and our newfound friends from Guadalajara, México to the Beach and the clubs surrounding the Olympic Port. It was a blast, save for the fact that the Metro in Barcelona is grimy, hot, and at times, induces massive claustrophobia.
3) ¨Dude, we can get the big pizza, not eat all of it, and then eat the rest for breakfast¨ - Bryce
(Pause, no facial movement)
¨ I like where your heads at man...I like it¨ - Tony
Just one of those typical convos you have in a Barcelonian Pizza Hut, right? I swear, sometimes I felt like I´ve eaten more American food in Spain than I do in America. It´s cheap, and we´re all a little bit collegiate. That was after a long day at the beach in which we slept, drank, slept, swam. LET ME SAY ONE THING: I´ve never been so proud to be from Long Island before when I watched everybody, and I mean everybody moan about the temperature of the water. I thought it was a little cold but gorgeous, and once you dive in, it´s bliss. But nooooooo. Everybody from LA, Texas, Florida....¨Damn, that´s too cold!¨. Grow up by me, and you´ll adjust. There, I said it....
4) ¨Oh so what do you do...oh I´m a human tower builder....you mean you construct buildings for people....no, I build towers...of well, humans. I´m so proud of my family. They climb well. We´ve only lost a few daughters...¨ - Danny, imitating the human tower builders.
Okay, so I forgot the Spanish name of these incredible insane people, but basically (and you might have seen them either in the Guinness Book of World Records or on TV somewhere) they are a group of acrobatic psychopaths who´s idea of a fun day is to climb on each others shoulders as high as possible. And yes, grandmas and infants participate. It was absolutely incredible. A tiny little girl climbed up about 55 feet in the air, and to do her little crowd pleasing wave, yell, nazi salute, and then the human tower began to shake. It was actually pretty scary. Too be entirely honest, I didn´t want anyone to get hurt, but I wondered what 20 people 50 feet in the air hurdling downwards would look like. According to Tony, they should have started a mini running of the bulls to make it a tad more interesting. These guys only come out once a year, and we managed to see it. It was very exciting, and a nice way to wind down a crazy weekend.
For now, I´ll limit it to 5 quotes. The obvious winner of this post goes to Tony. A little introduction....
Okay so while you´re on the beach, you have four types of people.
a) tourists
b) topless women who look like walruses and should have kept their secrets to themselves.
c) Indians who scour the beach in search of victims (I'll explain)
d) Asian women masseuses who give you massages while rubbing way too much oil on your back.
Let me first say that I did get a cheap massage, it was not inappropriate (Uncle Mark), and it felt incredible. Secondly, we met some really cool girls from Baylor university who are also studying in Madrid, so we'll meet up with them. thirdly, the Indians. Okay, so the way this goes down is that you have Indian guys who come up and down the beach speaking poor spanish askingif they can sell you either Henna Tattoos, Coconut pieces (which were awesome), or Beer. They are as insistent as the Asian ladies, only to the point of absolute irritation. And after they ask you "Beer, cerveza?", they proceed to pick out and stereotype the dopest guy of the group and ask if he or she wanted drugs. In our case, that'd be Tony. He wears a bandana. Enough said. G-d bless you Tony. Anyway, three separate occasions Tony was asked if he wanted pot. He was kinda getting fed up with it and we were all cracking out jokes, and then some guy comes over and says this:
Indian Vendor: "Beer, Cerveza, Beer?"
Tony: "No, but do you have any heroine?" (now picture this in the most sarcastic, Will Ferrell type voice)
Indian Vender: "Be right back"
Us: "Excuse me?!"
(20 Minutes Pass)
Indian Vendor: "Here, you try now, and then buy later..."
(proceeds to pull a little 8 ball - heroine and crack cocaine mixed - and hand it to Tony, who immediately goes woah, noooooo.)
Bryce: "Hey Tony remember that list of shit we mentioned never to do cuz we'd end up in jail for life...this ranks up there".
Swear on my life, we didn't stop laughing for an hour. Damn that little Indian has a syndicate.
Second quote comes from Bryce to Tattoo Indian man....
Tattoo Guy: "You want Tattoo, come on, tattoo, look, dragon, lady naked"
Bryce: "Playboy ladies....does that come any bigger, I've always wanted something like that on my chest"
Unknown: "get a flag dude"
Bryce: "Hey, do you have an American flag?"
TG: "Yeah yeah yes yes of course, see somewhere here"
(Man turns to a page full of black cats, panthers, and lions and points to a roaring panther)
Bryce: "That's....that's a panther"
Finally,
The 100th time Asian lady has asked us about massages...Bryce responds..."if you put that piece of paper any closer to my face, maybe it will change my decision...no, actually it wont. Please get the word out to all your little friends. I don't want a massage. Spread that message. Very much appreciated".
Oh Barcelona.
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